Such A mess
by jannikajade
Summary: Five things Drake Parker never worries about, and the one thing he always does. DrakeJosh. Slash. One Shot.


**Disclaimer**: Still not mine.

**Author's** **Note**: A five things fic and a Christmas present for the amazing Tay~ Even though this probably isn't what she had in mind at all. I hope you liked it anyway, Tay. I love you!!!!

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**Five Things Drake Parker never worries about…**

**Being on time.**

He doesn't need to be on time. Things wait for him. They always have. It doesn't matter how late he is, it always works out in the end. In the rare event he does get in any sort of trouble for it, he just smiles way out of it. It works every time. So, when Josh is all freaked out, trying to get to class on time, pulling books out of his locker, searching for homework, blaming Drake for the fact that he only studied for four million hours instead of the seven million he'd meant to, Drake rolls his eyes, and then pulls Josh into the nearest janitor's closet. Josh tries to protest, rambling something being an honor student, but Drake shuts him up by putting his hands in Josh's hair and joining their lips. Then he takes a few steps back, shoving Josh against the wall, grinning at the little gasping sound Josh makes. Then it's all little gasping sounds as Drake snakes his hands under Josh's shirt, fingers headed for the places he knows make Josh shiver. He moves his lips to Josh's neck as his hands head for Josh's belt, and in between gasps, Josh manages to get out one last protest.

"We're going to be so, so late," he says, but his hips rock up towards the hand Drake is shoving into his boxers as he says it, so Drake just smirks and pulls his head up,

"Don't worry about it. I'll write you a note," he says, before getting a hand around Josh and ending any speaking beyond moans and muffled curses.

**The future**.

Everyone around him is always talking about the future. About how worried they are that things won't go the way they want them to if they don't get the right test scores or into the right colleges or get the right after school jobs, or whatever. Drake doesn't need any of that. He just needs his guitar. He just needs to keep writing songs, needs to keep practicing and needs to keep playing. As long as he can do all that, he'll be ok. He can feel it. His music won't let him down. It can't, because it's the only thing he's ever wanted to do, the only thing he knows how to do, and he knows it's his future.

Josh worries. He worries about the test scores and the colleges and all that crap. He paces their room and worries, wondering why envelopes that say important things about the future haven't arrived yet. He goes on and on about the pressure and the stress and about how the colleges probably rejected him because of that one C he got in the fourth grade. He works himself up into a frenzy, until Drake tugs on his arm and pulls him down onto the couch.

"Will you stop worrying about it?" Drake says, "You're going to get in."

"No, I'm not," Josh pouts.

"Dude, why wouldn't they let you in? You're an honor student, remember? And you belong to like twelve geeky clubs. The kind you're always saying colleges love."

"It's not enough. If it was enough I would have a letter by now, and I don't," Josh says, putting his head in his hands, "I'm going to end up a hobo. On the streets!" He moans. Drake shakes his head.

"That's impossible."

"No. It's very, very possible!"

"Impossible, because I'm going to be famous," Drake says, "And rich."

"Yes, you'll be rich and famous and I'll be a hobo!"

"No. You'll be with me," Drake says. Josh picks up his head and looks at Drake, eyes all big like they get when he thinks Drake has done something amazing. As usual, Drake isn't sure what he did. He's pretty all he did was remind Josh of the obvious. Josh opens his mouth, then shuts it again shakes his head. Drake half expects him to protest more, to keeping talk about hobos and colleges and about the future being scary. But Josh just smiles, a little half smile, and looks very tried all of the sudden. He leans in towards Drake, and touches their foreheads together.

"Promise?" He asks.

"Promise," Drake echoes.

**Girls**

Girls are easy. He doesn't have to work for them, or wonder if they like him, or do much more than smile in their direction. They come running, with soft hair and soft lips and little skirts and low cut shirts and giggles and skin that smells like fruit and names that get all mixed up in his head because they're all pretty much the same. They all flip their hair and hang on everything he says and let him get away with whatever he wants and look cute on his arm, and it's all that matters. Sometimes they say funny things, or know interesting people. Some of them are prettier than others. Some of them are smart and know all sorts of things he doesn't. Some of them play games, games he'd mastered in about the sixth grade. Some of them kiss better than others. Some of them are actually really, really cool, but it still doesn't matter.

Josh lectures him about it all the time, about how girls are people too and about how he can't just use them like that. Drake doesn't think he is. He doesn't lie to them. He doesn't pretend he's after commitment. He just likes to have fun, and he doesn't even have to tell them. His reputation says it all for him. Still, Josh doesn't approve. Josh scowls at him and tells him it's not right and gets all huffy and red faced, which just makes Drake laugh.

It's not a problem until Josh starts to actually worry about it. Until after they've started letting their hands linger for longer than they should and after they've started kissing on purpose and crawling into each other's beds at night. Josh still worries; he still winces every time he sees Drake talk to a girl. And they haven't talked about anything, they haven't talked about what's been happening at all, but Drake still feels like he should say something. Just so Josh knows. So he cancels a date on a Friday night, with Vanessa, who is seriously hot, and he stays him on the couch with Josh, and halfway through the movie Drake leans over and says,

"You worry too much."

"What?" Josh asks.

"All the girls," Drake says, "They don't matter, you know."

"Drake-" Josh starts, but Drake cuts him off, kissing him softly.

"This is better," Drake says. After he says it, he's pretty sure 'better', wasn't the word he was looking for, he thinks he should have said something else, but he's not sure what. Josh doesn't seem to mind. He just nods,

"It is," he says, and Drake's not sure if Josh is agreeing or asking, but he decides it doesn't matter and kisses him again, hoping that Josh gets the point.

**Sex**.

Sometimes, in the locker room, and in between classes and at parties, he hears other guys talk. They talk about girls and getting some action and about their techniques and the girl's techniques and about how long it's been since the last time they had sex. They brag and then they worry about their size, or their number, or if the girl they've been seeing will be willing, and most of it is just talk. It's just things they say to sound good in front of the other guys, and Drake just rolls his eyes until they pull him into the conversation, because with a reputation like his, they figure he should be an expert. They ask him all sorts of questions about the girls he's been with, and about his actual number, and his techniques (because he must do something to keep them all so in love with him), and a million other questions that Drake isn't sure how to answer.

It's not really something he spends a lot of time thinking about. It's just something he does. Something he's done since that field trip in the eighth grade when he'd been making out with Shelby Winters at the planetarium and she'd put her hand over the zipper on his pants. Things had progressed from there, and now that his senior year is drawing to a close, yeah, he has experience. A little more than he's willing to talk about actually, because even he knows that it hasn't always been the best idea. Still, he doesn't have answers for them, and he's not going to share stories. He may go through girls the way other people go through pieces of gum, but he's not about to tell the entire rest of Belleview High about it. He really doesn't know what to tell them about the rest. It's all just something he's always been good at. The kissing and the touching and all the rest. It's not hard. It's always been something he was just able to go with. His instincts have always been good to him.

Besides, these days, when he thinks about sex, he thinks about things he definitely can't share with the guys asking questions. He thinks about Josh, about every inch of skin on Josh's body, and about the amazing things Josh does with his hands, about nights in their room filled with muttered curses and muted gasps. Josh is like, amazingly good at all of it, better than Drake would have imagined he'd be. (Not that he'd thought about. Much. Not every day or anything.) He's all attentive and eager to please and some nights Drake thinks his mouth might actually have magical qualities.

Josh doesn't know how good he is, and that somehow makes it even better. It can be awkward, but still weirdly hot, and Drake loves it. He loves the way Josh asks a million questions as he runs his hands over Drake's skin.

"Did I? Should We? Is this? Did you like?" He'll ask. Not as much now, but at first, at first Drake could barely get him to be quite long enough to kiss him. He'd have to whisper back reassurances, sucking on Josh's collar bone and as he promised,

"It's good, Josh. Better than good. Don't worry about it. Just go with it. Just. _Yes_. Just do that," he'd finish as Josh tried something new, something that was always amazing.

It's not as awkward now. Josh is more confident, and his questions are less frequent, but they still come up and Drake still has to promise him that's awesome. Because it is. It's pretty much the most awesome thing Drake can possibly imagine.

So when he listens, and tries to make up half assed answers to all the questions the other guys ask, he mostly just feels a little sorry for them. They get so worried, so caught up in at all. So freaked out about all the parts that don't matter, and Drake thinks that must make it harder for them enjoy all the parts that do.

**Megan. (Not really, anyway. Not anymore.)**

When he was younger, he was terrified of his younger sister. It was embarrassing, because how do you explain to your friends that your baby sister is capable of making your life hell? She was just a little girl. He should have been able to handle it. He never really could though, no matter how many of her tricks he learned to watch out for. She was always one step ahead of him, and it made him a little miserable. Until Josh moved in changed everything, including Megan. It's not that she's any less evil, or spends any less time trying to make him miserable. In fact, he's pretty sure her evil has only grown, but it's different because he doesn't have to face it alone anymore.

These days, Megan isn't just doing horrible things to him, she's doing horrible things to _them_ and that makes it better. It makes it easier to deal with, the way being the _them_ that he and Josh had instantly become makes everything easier. Better. It's not what she means to do, but her pranks end up being just one more of things that are always driving them closer.

It's funny, because, ok, he's still afraid of the physical pain she could cause them, but he doesn't worry about her the way he used to. Doesn't worry that she's sitting up at night, plotting ways to ruin their lives, even though he knows she is, because it doesn't really matter anymore. Whatever happens, part of him knows that he and Josh will handle it. Even if they don't really handle it at all, even if she gets them. Which she will. It's scary, terrifying even, but it doesn't worry him, because even if it sucks for a little bit, at the end of the day it will just be one more thing he and Josh will have gone through together, and he's pretty sure that's a good thing. In some weird way he doesn't really understand.

So when she smirks at them, talking about all the pain she's going to cause them, Drake just rolls his eyes, and baits her a little, because he can,

"You better watch it," she says.

"Yeah, yeah," he says, ignoring the iplease shut up,/i look Josh is sending him. She goes on another tirade, about the very illegal things she'll do to them, playing with her switchblade as she talks, storming off when she feels she's threatened them enough.

"You really shouldn't mess with her like that, dude," Josh says after she leaves. Drake rolls his eyes.

"Oh, whatever," he says.

"Not whatever. One of these days she might actually kill us!"

"She wouldn't," Drake says.

"She might!"

"I'm sure she wants to, but whatever. Don't worry about it."

"We live with an evil teenage girl with a switchblade and very possible mafia connections, how can I not worry about that?" Josh asks.

"Whatever she does, we've been through worse," Drake says. Josh looks thoughtful.

"That's probably true," he says after a moment, making a face as if he's recalling something extra painful they've experienced, "But still, we shouldn't test her."

"Oh, come on, what's she really going to do? Lock is in a room again? Trap us in nets?" Drake says, grinning a little, "Cause I'm pretty sure those wouldn't be bad things at all," He finishes, smirking suggestively.

"That would make her really, really mad," Josh says, but he's smirking a little too.

"We should have done it years ago," Drake says, thinking of times trapped in tree houses or cowering in their room, and all the things they should have done with that time. He's pretty sure it's the best possible solution to a Megan prank.

…**.and the one thing he always does**

**Josh**.

There are things that scare him. Things he doesn't like to think about because they make him unhappy- Jail, Mrs. Hayfer, evil dogs, woodchippers, things like that. None of them really _worry_ him though. There is only one thing that actually worries him. One thing that thinking about makes him a little sick to his stomach, because it could happen. Because he's pretty sure it's a miracle it hasn't already happened.

Josh. It's always about Josh. About Josh waking up one day and realizing that he could do so much better than Drake. About Josh deciding he'd be better off without Drake and leaving him forever. Leaving him alone and miserable and with the feeling that he deserved to be alone. That it was all his fault, because it would be all his fault. He's irresponsible and impulsive and he can't seem to make himself say any of the things that he knows Josh wants to hear. He's always fucking up, making things harder for Josh, making Josh sad, and he knows, he knows, that Josh would be better without him. He wouldn't blame him for leaving, even if it would break Drake. Just totally break him.

He tries not to let the worry get to him, but sometimes when they're alone in their room, on Josh's bed, and Josh falls asleep first, and Drake is laying there, listening to Josh breathe, feeling the rise and fall from the place where his head rests on Josh's chest; the worry starts to overwhelm him. He starts to get panicked, thinking about how fast this could disappear. He starts to fidget as his thoughts race, thinking of Josh going off to do important things and leaving Drake all alone, like some sort of sad rock star cliché. On the road with no one to love him or take care of him. He doesn't know if he could handle it.

One night, when summer is turning into fall and Josh has started college, staying local for reasons no one understood, for reasons that make Drake panic even more, because he doesn't deserve it, he can't fall asleep at all. He worries and fidgets so much that he actually wakes Josh up.

"Hey, you ok?" Josh asks sleepily.

"Yeah," Drake lies, "just can't sleep."

"You're not ok," Josh says, because he's learned to know exactly when Drake is lying. Drake loves him for it, but sometimes he wishes Josh wasn't so good at it, because it makes keeping secrets impossible.

"I'm just thinking," he says.

"About what?" Josh yawns.

"Just… stuff," Drake says, "Don't worry about it man, go back to sleep."

"Not with you all freaked out. What's up?"

"Nothing. Seriously," Drake tries.

"Drake," Josh says, raising his eyebrows. Drake sighs,

"I was just…I love you," he says. Josh grins, still looking sleepy.

"I know, I love you too," he replies. Drake shakes his head.

"No, it's…" Drake stops and takes a breath, "This. You and me and the stuff that's happened and my music career and your college and us, and this, and I- I just," Drake breaks off. He wants to go on. He wants to say how much it all means. How much it's all changed everything for the better, how when he says he loves Josh he doesn't mean it in a _'you're my best friend who I have sex with and it's awesome_.' sort of way, but in a _'I want to spend the rest of my life in this bed with you. Just holding you_,' sort of way. Which is different, he knows it is. It has to be. He wants to say that he knows that he doesn't deserve Josh, and that he knows how much better Josh could do. He can't seem to make any of those words come out though. Even though he knows they need to.

"I know," Josh repeats, smiling again.

"I don't wanna mess this up," Drake says, and it's as close as he can get to saying all the thoughts that are swimming around his head. Josh gives a little sigh, and then he turns a little, and puts a hand on Drake's cheek.

"You can't," he says.

"I think there are about a million ways I could," Drake says, biting his lip.

"Yeah, but it doesn't matter. Because none of them would make me go anywhere," Josh says, and Drake gets that overwhelmed feeling he gets around Josh a lot. The one where he feels like he can't possibly smile enough, or express how stupidly happy Josh has just made him. Like that old Christmas special, where the Grinch's heart actually grows three sizes. Josh says things like that, does things like that, and Drake can feel his heart grow about five sizes. It's amazing.

"None of them?" He asks. Josh grins again.

"You're stuck with me, Parker. No matter what," he says.

"Okay," Drake whispers, nodding.

"So, stop worrying, and get some sleep. You have to be at the studio in like, five hours," Josh says, planting a quick kiss on Drake's lips. Drake smiles, and snuggles back into Josh's chest. It's not enough to really make him stop worrying for good, there are still things that nag at him on bad days and late at night, but it's enough for that night. It's enough to make Josh's steady breathing sound like a lullaby, lulling Drake into a peaceful, worry free, sleep.


End file.
